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Why Gamers Rage On Their Parents

“Why does my gamer rage and yell at me when I ask him to do his chores?”

Every day I see parents asking this question out of fear, out of anger at their child’s behavior and out of desperation to “fix” this problem.

The answer to this question actually involves a series of questions that will help us get to the root of the problem so that we may begin work where our efforts will actually bring the desired results we are hoping for.

I’m going to show you a proven strategy that will help you get to the root of this problem. After you have read this blog post, you will have an understanding of how to apply this powerful technique to solving almost every obstacle or problem in your life including the burning question that was posed at the beginning of the post.

In the 1930’s, Sakichi Toyoda, a Japanese industrialist, inventor, and founder of Toyota Industries developed a technique called the 5 WHY’s to help solve problems by discovering the root cause of what created it originally. Toyota still uses this technique today as it has proven to allow them to understand what is happening on the shop floor as opposed to guessing what’s happening in the boardroom.

Many problems that we face today are merely symptoms of deeper issues and unless we are able to discover the root cause of a problem, we may discover that our attempts at solving problems remain futile because they keep coming back and possibly even worse than when we first discovered it. To help solve video game addiction, we must recognize that any effort to apply a fix without first identifying the root of a problem will be nothing more than a band aid to a wound that will keep coming back.

Read: 5 Exciting Benefits of Quitting Video Games

To get to the root of a problem, you can begin by asking why 5 times. So let’s begin this thought experiment together in hopes of understanding why people have become so addicted to video games.

  1. WHY is my son always playing video games? Answer: because his gaming hardware resides within his bedroom and/or his pocket, so he has access to play them all the time. He also loves how they make him feel and he feels happy and/or with purpose when he’s gaming.
  2. WHY do games make him feel happy and with purpose? Answer: Because they are designed to be addictive and to make him believe that his life has purpose and meaning within his gaming worlds and within his gaming communities. He may also believe that he has no purpose or meaning in the real world because life does not contain the rewarding mechanisms that video games do. Games possess certainty and clarity, for them, life may not.
  3. WHY are games designed to be so addictive then? Answer: Because gaming publishers make money by monetizing their players time and attention. The longer a player spends on a particular game, the greater potential for monetization. Also, the longer a player spends on a game, the greater level of psychological programming has taken place ensuring that the gamer continues to remain online for longer.
  4. WHY do companies want to monetize their players attention so much? Answer: Because they know that their competition is doing the same thing so they must ensure that they retain control of their player base as much as possible while growing it simultaneously.
  5. WHY do companies care so much about money then? Answer: Because it allows them to purchase more assets that will aid in company growth. Assets like more developer acquisitions, gaming innovations, and greater market share than their competitors.

As you can see, the gamer is the linchpin for companies to make money which is their priority. Most often than not, gamers don’t consider anything that we just explored with our thought experiment because they are too enthralled by their games.

Microsoft often uses the phrase “ keeping gamers at the center of their experience” because they recognize that gamers must focus on the games, not a life outside of gaming. Developers have become adept at keeping their “customers” focused on them by ensuring that they remain thinking of them even when they aren’t necessarily gaming. To do this, they have created alternative communities and industries to give players reasons for engaging even when they’re not gaming.

Your loved one that is spending what you believe is too much time playing video games is merely a consequence of what the gaming industry has created. To get your gamer back, you are competing against an industry worth billions of dollars that is rapidly growing.

But the battle is not futile. As we discovered in our first thought experiment, what keeps gamers connected to their virtual worlds are the devices that create the portal. These are the mobile phones, the consoles and the PC’s that they use every day.

Now your first inclination may be to simply remove them from their devices but unfortunately, it’s not that easy and we can again utilize the 5 Why’s to understand why that is.

  1. WHY does my son rage and scream at me when I try to separate him from his gaming? Answer: Because he is genuinely addicted to his games and he has been manipulated into believing that his gaming holds more value to him than the real world. When he directs his rage at you, it’s his way of protecting what he values.
  2. WHY does he then value his games more than real life or even his family? Answer: Because he believes that he is receiving satisfaction from basic needs online that he may not be receiving offline. Needs such as Certainty, Uncertainty/Variety, Significance, Connection and Love, Growth and Contribution.
  3. WHY does he believe this? Answer: Parents are often ill equipped to provide many of these needs and are not trained to cope and manage their kids after they have been separated from their devices.
  4. WHY then does the problem persist and often get worse? Answer: Because the parents don’t have the skills and mental fortitude to do what is needed to stop the problem from getting worse and instituting the necessary changes that will create a new healthy environment that does not include video games.
  5. Why don’t parents have the skills and fortitude to do what is needed? Answer: Because they are busy worrying about their careers, changes in the economy, they may be gamers themselves, perhaps they mistake being a cool parent as an act of parenting and allow themselves to be manipulated, and multitudes of other reasons.

As you can see, the solution to begin helping our kids lie in helping the parents first by attaining the skills, mindsets, strategies and supports.

Watch: Next Gen Addicts 

As difficult as it is, we must also understand that our gamers behaviors towards us should not be taken personally, rather, what you are seeing is a person who has been behaviorally modified and is in fact a victim. It’s important to view them as someone who needs help and the best step to take from here is to find help and support for yourself first so you can develop the required skills to begin the desired transformational process.

It’s also important to know that every gamer is different, every parent is different, and every circumstance provides their own unique challenges.

So in order to help your gamer re-prioritize life over gaming, you must be the one to take the first step. If you would like to learn if I can help you and your family begin this process, then please visit https://www.davedaoust.com/about to learn more.

Clicking on the link will take you to my Primed For Life program page and will show you exactly what you can expect if you decide to move forward with my program.

Ultimately, I advise you to lead with love again, and try to rebuild your relationship with your gamer before you try to help them. This is done through communication and interaction. Sit with them and learn about their games. Ask questions about their games and discover why your kids enjoy them so much. This will help you to re-establish trust which will be a key bridge that you need to build first to show that you are an alley and not the enemy.

Dave D'Aoust

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